Stuck. It’s not the most fun place to be, that’s for sure. It’s not glamorous, it ain’t pretty, it’s unrecognizable. But it’s where I have found myself for the past month. I could blame it on a case of “The Januaries”, but we all know why my personality and heart have taken a beating and it has nothing to do with winter. There is a constant battle in my head between the yin and the yang…and no one wins
Social media is the devil’s advocate showing me everyone who’s life is full of bliss and I wish for that part of my life to come back. I know that I’ll be there again someday. But I think to myself:
I wish they could understand why happiness hurts. What am I even happy about anymore?
Then one scroll down are the other half who think that life’s inconveniences are real problems. Paragraphs of detailed bad days. I miss that naive thinking, because I now know what a bad day really looks like.
I hope they know how good they have it. They should be more grateful.
No one wins.
I can fake upbeat with a smile on my face, because it keeps me from crying and I can’t wait to be alone. I get in my car for the solo drive home and cry, wishing I could find something to laugh at that won’t remind me of my loss.
I have so many questions and I know the answers, I just can’t get there. I’m not the person I was 6 months ago and I’m not who I’ll be when I get on the other side of this. I’m stuck, the grass is greener wherever I’m not. So I’m forwarding all mail to the In-Between, I predict I’ll be renting this home for the time being.